I think I am finally up to date with emailing everyone that has been in contact back. I would like to say it has been nice to hear from so many of you I just wish I could of met you wonderful people under better circumstances.
Anyway, I feel that I will show you how I managed to move on from being a victim to becoming a survivor. It was mainly down to the support I had, if it wasn't for my family and friends I would not be stood here today - or rather sitting!
The most important thing to do is to speak up, I know how hard this can be, I really do but I promise once you have told just one person the weight is instantly lighter, the more you talk through it the lighter it becomes. Rape is one of the hardest things to talk about and to tell people it has happened to you. People instantly don't know how to talk to you, it is almost as if you have a contagious disease, but it DOES get easier. Support groups are amazing, they really help you realise that you are not the only one suffering and feeling low and as if the whole world is against you.
Don't feel put down if you cannot bring yourself to go to the police, I didn't for the second attack I suffered, at the time I felt like I was letting every girl in my town and surrounding areas down by allowing the man to continue to have the freedom to roam the streets, but I personally was not strong enough to have my entire life put under the microscope, and to face yet another condescending man telling me I was the one in the wrong. So I chose not to prosecute, this was the right decision for me at the time, I wanted to forget and move on from the vile attack and having a court case that could take up to a year possibly longer to complete was not going to help, having to remember the night in detail again and again was not going to help me move on from it. A few months down the line while shopping in the high street, my body started to enter what is known as fight or flight mode, going stiff and erratic, I looked around and was as if I hit a wall before me stood the two men that had assaulted me and left me for dead almost, they were with their families. Happy and enjoying life, Not knowing what to do, I moved away, one spotted me when I was looking at something down one of the aisles, they brushed past and it was then I knew for sure, feeling their breath upon my face and the stench of their aftershave brought it all back. I whipped round and they were just standing laughing with their girlfriends at some sort of private joke they had shared. I decided this was the time to make them feel as small as they made me feel. I walked over, with a sudden rush of confidence, and tapped one of the girls on the shoulder, she looked round staring at me trying to work out if we met before. The guys obviously sensed what I would do and tried to move away, it was then I said
"So you don't want a second go then, I suppose it is a bit light in here and I actually came up and offered this time rather than you just taking what wasn't yours" everyone around started to stare and go quiet to see what the fuss was about. I started going red wishing I hadn't bothered I had worked so hard to forget it all, and here I was bringing crashing back into my life. The girl replied saying something about how did I know her or her boyfriend, I then told her
"Well funnily enough, me and your boyfriend know each other well, I was unfortunate enough to take his fancy on a night out, and he just doesn't seem to understand the word NO!" She seemed startled, it was only when she grabbed her stomach from pain or fear, that I realised she was pregnant, not heavily but still carrying a child, his I assumed. The guy came storming towards me grabbed my wrist and got in my face saying
"Yer and you deserved it you little slut, strutting around the dancefloor with nothing left to the imagination, teasing every guy in there, someone had to teach you a lesson" I was shocked, I slapped him hard,
"I was not teasing, I was enjoying my night, if walking past a guy in a club is teasing the god help every girl in here" he seemed shocked that I had finally found my voice that I was finally standing up to him
"Yes, I am not the quiet girl you raped and abused down the alley way all those months ago, I have found my voice and I will use it to make you feel as low as I did" with which I started walking away, an old woman from the crowd walked over to the man and spat in his face, then came and checked on me. Her doing that showed me that speaking up does work, although I had only changed one view it was still one more person that was on the right side of this never ending debate. I don't know exactly what happened after that, I heard that his girlfriend had dumped him through friends of friends of friends, so I carried on with my life, until I got a email one day on Facebook, from his girlfriend. She was nothing but apologetic and sympathising, she had not known he was like that they had been together for 3 years were supposed to get married, they had a baby girl together. She thanked me, she did not want her daughter near him. So two peoples views were changed that day, as the Chinese proverb states
"A journey of a 100 miles starts with a single step" I have taken that step and ready for many more to to come.
Its through talking that we shall change the public perception and through nothing else. It may be a long hard battle but it is one we must fight, for our daughters and our daughters daughters.
All my love and support
Society Slut
x
