Sorry it has been a while since writing to you all, I have not forgotten about you at all, I have just been really busy with University work as I am almost at the end of my first year so assessments are looming. First of all how are you all, the site has become a lot busier which I am bitter-sweet about, obviously I love the fact that people are reading my writings and hopefully feeling better, but I wish it was under better circumstances that you were all reading this.
Today's post, I wanted to write about a documentary I saw on BBC 3 called "I Never Said Yes" it is part of the BBC crime season, it really opened my eyes further about the amount of rape that goes on within the U.K. alone, did you know that a woman within the U.K. is raped every 10 minutes, so at the end of an episode of Eastenders or Corrie thats 3 more women that have gone through this atrocity, what is even more disturbing is that only 1 in 4 rape cases actually get to the trial stage, so even if you go through all the examinations and procedures you may never get your day in court to send down the man that ruined your life. The documentary spoke to not only women who had been raped but a group of men to find out what men really think about rape. They agreed that it was wrong to blame the victim, but because sex is so relaxed nowadays in magazines, adverts, T.V. shows it can be hard to know what signals a girl is giving off. One of the men said that it was important not to see as a one time thing but as something that would change someone's life forever, I believe if this message was got a cross a lot more then maybe we could see a decline in the numbers. People see it as right you were raped 3 years ago how is it still affecting you, this is almost as bad as the victim blaming that happens. An interesting point brought up in the documentary was that it is normally for power or control rather than sexual needs/fantasies which was interesting. We supposedly live in a society where men and women are equal, but still men feel the need to gain power over us by taking the one thing that a women can give.
The Documentary also pointed out that maybe enough isn't being done to support the victims during the trial process, although more charities and support groups are popping up all over the country it is still not enough.
Sorry to all those that are not in the U.K. I don't know of a way to show you the documentary, but I will post a link for those within the U.K. We need to come together as a nation and internationally to put a stop to this.
I am always here if any one needs to talk.
So let me know what you think
Love and support to you all
Society Slut
xx
Link - http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01f6sgk/I_Never_Said_Yes/
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Ongoing...
I took a while to think whether or not to post about this, as I don't want to dishearten people just starting the recovery path, but I decided to advertise it as you have a hard time getting over it then you are in an amazing place, it is an ongoing process.
This became clear to me, while on a train back to University. A bloke behind me who looked perfectly harmless, was drinking a can of Stella, just the smell and his breath sent shivers down my spine - this is what both my attackers had been drinking or smelt of. After the shivers, I was completely restless I was not able to get comfortable or settle down, whereas before I was almost drifting off to sleep. He did not harm me in anyway in fact he was extremely pleasant helping me with my suitcase off the train, which only made me feel worse by the feeling I had had on the train.
Anyway, this is mainly just to explain that there are always going to be triggers that bring back those horrific memories that we would all prefer to forget. But that is not possible, well not as quickly as we would like anyway.
So support and love to you
don't forget I am an email away even if it is, to tell me about the triggers you experience.
Society Slut
x
This became clear to me, while on a train back to University. A bloke behind me who looked perfectly harmless, was drinking a can of Stella, just the smell and his breath sent shivers down my spine - this is what both my attackers had been drinking or smelt of. After the shivers, I was completely restless I was not able to get comfortable or settle down, whereas before I was almost drifting off to sleep. He did not harm me in anyway in fact he was extremely pleasant helping me with my suitcase off the train, which only made me feel worse by the feeling I had had on the train.
Anyway, this is mainly just to explain that there are always going to be triggers that bring back those horrific memories that we would all prefer to forget. But that is not possible, well not as quickly as we would like anyway.
So support and love to you
don't forget I am an email away even if it is, to tell me about the triggers you experience.
Society Slut
x
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Just a Little message of support
Heyy all,
The message seems to spreading across the world as we now welcome readers from America, Canada, Russia, Indonesia, Austrailia and last but not least India. So hello, to all of you and hope these messages of support are useful.
I wanted to say my heart goes out to all the people that I have received emails off your are amazing Women you have started to become survivours rather than victims. My love and support with you all.
I reccommend to everyone to look for support groups near where they live, these really help I have attended a couple and they are amazing it makes you really realise that you are not the only one suffering.
SlutWalk is still looking for support so donate as much as you can.
so email me with any issues you have.
Love to you all
Society Slut
The message seems to spreading across the world as we now welcome readers from America, Canada, Russia, Indonesia, Austrailia and last but not least India. So hello, to all of you and hope these messages of support are useful.
I wanted to say my heart goes out to all the people that I have received emails off your are amazing Women you have started to become survivours rather than victims. My love and support with you all.
I reccommend to everyone to look for support groups near where they live, these really help I have attended a couple and they are amazing it makes you really realise that you are not the only one suffering.
SlutWalk is still looking for support so donate as much as you can.
so email me with any issues you have.
Love to you all
Society Slut
Thursday, 23 February 2012
They Wonder Why?
This Country always seems to wonder why rape cases go unreported to the authorities?
Well I think this week proved it, 40 months for raping an 11year old, and the judge agreed that she looked 14? That is sickening or am I the one that is abnormal in the way I think? Being a law student, I thought the legal system was there to protect us, and try and make right what has been done wrong.. I'm sorry but 40 months is no where near enough time for 2 rapists especially for a little girl. People who have had consensual sex under-age have got more jail time than these two low lifes.
Furthermore, how does a 11 year old appear willing! when I was 11 I was still playing with barbies and running away from boys! This judge needs to take a long hard look in the mirror. I hope he can live with what he has done for women everywhere who are victims/survivors of this horrid ordeal!
read the full article here and let me know your views: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104287/Child-rapists-jailed-just-40-months--judge-said-11-year-old-victim-willing.html
While on judges, I want to re-visit the whole reason I started this blog.
This is it! this is the reason clothes are not and can not be considered as asking for it.
Well I think this week proved it, 40 months for raping an 11year old, and the judge agreed that she looked 14? That is sickening or am I the one that is abnormal in the way I think? Being a law student, I thought the legal system was there to protect us, and try and make right what has been done wrong.. I'm sorry but 40 months is no where near enough time for 2 rapists especially for a little girl. People who have had consensual sex under-age have got more jail time than these two low lifes.
Furthermore, how does a 11 year old appear willing! when I was 11 I was still playing with barbies and running away from boys! This judge needs to take a long hard look in the mirror. I hope he can live with what he has done for women everywhere who are victims/survivors of this horrid ordeal!
read the full article here and let me know your views: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104287/Child-rapists-jailed-just-40-months--judge-said-11-year-old-victim-willing.html
While on judges, I want to re-visit the whole reason I started this blog.
This is it! this is the reason clothes are not and can not be considered as asking for it.
(image belongs to:http://www.nazarmagazine.com/2012/01/24/slutwalk/)
So while England prepares for SlutWalk 2012 I hope you will all join in and donate, so we can fund this superb event and help change society view.
"At the moment society teaches "Don't Get Raped" when it should be teaching "Don't Rape"
So Women of the world unite lets show we are not victims but survivors ready to fight!
Love to you all
Society Slut
Society Slut
x
P.s. Donate here: http://bit.ly/
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Moving On...
I think I am finally up to date with emailing everyone that has been in contact back. I would like to say it has been nice to hear from so many of you I just wish I could of met you wonderful people under better circumstances.
Anyway, I feel that I will show you how I managed to move on from being a victim to becoming a survivor. It was mainly down to the support I had, if it wasn't for my family and friends I would not be stood here today - or rather sitting!
The most important thing to do is to speak up, I know how hard this can be, I really do but I promise once you have told just one person the weight is instantly lighter, the more you talk through it the lighter it becomes. Rape is one of the hardest things to talk about and to tell people it has happened to you. People instantly don't know how to talk to you, it is almost as if you have a contagious disease, but it DOES get easier. Support groups are amazing, they really help you realise that you are not the only one suffering and feeling low and as if the whole world is against you.
Don't feel put down if you cannot bring yourself to go to the police, I didn't for the second attack I suffered, at the time I felt like I was letting every girl in my town and surrounding areas down by allowing the man to continue to have the freedom to roam the streets, but I personally was not strong enough to have my entire life put under the microscope, and to face yet another condescending man telling me I was the one in the wrong. So I chose not to prosecute, this was the right decision for me at the time, I wanted to forget and move on from the vile attack and having a court case that could take up to a year possibly longer to complete was not going to help, having to remember the night in detail again and again was not going to help me move on from it. A few months down the line while shopping in the high street, my body started to enter what is known as fight or flight mode, going stiff and erratic, I looked around and was as if I hit a wall before me stood the two men that had assaulted me and left me for dead almost, they were with their families. Happy and enjoying life, Not knowing what to do, I moved away, one spotted me when I was looking at something down one of the aisles, they brushed past and it was then I knew for sure, feeling their breath upon my face and the stench of their aftershave brought it all back. I whipped round and they were just standing laughing with their girlfriends at some sort of private joke they had shared. I decided this was the time to make them feel as small as they made me feel. I walked over, with a sudden rush of confidence, and tapped one of the girls on the shoulder, she looked round staring at me trying to work out if we met before. The guys obviously sensed what I would do and tried to move away, it was then I said "So you don't want a second go then, I suppose it is a bit light in here and I actually came up and offered this time rather than you just taking what wasn't yours" everyone around started to stare and go quiet to see what the fuss was about. I started going red wishing I hadn't bothered I had worked so hard to forget it all, and here I was bringing crashing back into my life. The girl replied saying something about how did I know her or her boyfriend, I then told her "Well funnily enough, me and your boyfriend know each other well, I was unfortunate enough to take his fancy on a night out, and he just doesn't seem to understand the word NO!" She seemed startled, it was only when she grabbed her stomach from pain or fear, that I realised she was pregnant, not heavily but still carrying a child, his I assumed. The guy came storming towards me grabbed my wrist and got in my face saying "Yer and you deserved it you little slut, strutting around the dancefloor with nothing left to the imagination, teasing every guy in there, someone had to teach you a lesson" I was shocked, I slapped him hard, "I was not teasing, I was enjoying my night, if walking past a guy in a club is teasing the god help every girl in here" he seemed shocked that I had finally found my voice that I was finally standing up to him "Yes, I am not the quiet girl you raped and abused down the alley way all those months ago, I have found my voice and I will use it to make you feel as low as I did" with which I started walking away, an old woman from the crowd walked over to the man and spat in his face, then came and checked on me. Her doing that showed me that speaking up does work, although I had only changed one view it was still one more person that was on the right side of this never ending debate. I don't know exactly what happened after that, I heard that his girlfriend had dumped him through friends of friends of friends, so I carried on with my life, until I got a email one day on Facebook, from his girlfriend. She was nothing but apologetic and sympathising, she had not known he was like that they had been together for 3 years were supposed to get married, they had a baby girl together. She thanked me, she did not want her daughter near him. So two peoples views were changed that day, as the Chinese proverb states "A journey of a 100 miles starts with a single step" I have taken that step and ready for many more to to come.
Its through talking that we shall change the public perception and through nothing else. It may be a long hard battle but it is one we must fight, for our daughters and our daughters daughters.
All my love and support
Society Slut
x
Anyway, I feel that I will show you how I managed to move on from being a victim to becoming a survivor. It was mainly down to the support I had, if it wasn't for my family and friends I would not be stood here today - or rather sitting!
The most important thing to do is to speak up, I know how hard this can be, I really do but I promise once you have told just one person the weight is instantly lighter, the more you talk through it the lighter it becomes. Rape is one of the hardest things to talk about and to tell people it has happened to you. People instantly don't know how to talk to you, it is almost as if you have a contagious disease, but it DOES get easier. Support groups are amazing, they really help you realise that you are not the only one suffering and feeling low and as if the whole world is against you.
Don't feel put down if you cannot bring yourself to go to the police, I didn't for the second attack I suffered, at the time I felt like I was letting every girl in my town and surrounding areas down by allowing the man to continue to have the freedom to roam the streets, but I personally was not strong enough to have my entire life put under the microscope, and to face yet another condescending man telling me I was the one in the wrong. So I chose not to prosecute, this was the right decision for me at the time, I wanted to forget and move on from the vile attack and having a court case that could take up to a year possibly longer to complete was not going to help, having to remember the night in detail again and again was not going to help me move on from it. A few months down the line while shopping in the high street, my body started to enter what is known as fight or flight mode, going stiff and erratic, I looked around and was as if I hit a wall before me stood the two men that had assaulted me and left me for dead almost, they were with their families. Happy and enjoying life, Not knowing what to do, I moved away, one spotted me when I was looking at something down one of the aisles, they brushed past and it was then I knew for sure, feeling their breath upon my face and the stench of their aftershave brought it all back. I whipped round and they were just standing laughing with their girlfriends at some sort of private joke they had shared. I decided this was the time to make them feel as small as they made me feel. I walked over, with a sudden rush of confidence, and tapped one of the girls on the shoulder, she looked round staring at me trying to work out if we met before. The guys obviously sensed what I would do and tried to move away, it was then I said "So you don't want a second go then, I suppose it is a bit light in here and I actually came up and offered this time rather than you just taking what wasn't yours" everyone around started to stare and go quiet to see what the fuss was about. I started going red wishing I hadn't bothered I had worked so hard to forget it all, and here I was bringing crashing back into my life. The girl replied saying something about how did I know her or her boyfriend, I then told her "Well funnily enough, me and your boyfriend know each other well, I was unfortunate enough to take his fancy on a night out, and he just doesn't seem to understand the word NO!" She seemed startled, it was only when she grabbed her stomach from pain or fear, that I realised she was pregnant, not heavily but still carrying a child, his I assumed. The guy came storming towards me grabbed my wrist and got in my face saying "Yer and you deserved it you little slut, strutting around the dancefloor with nothing left to the imagination, teasing every guy in there, someone had to teach you a lesson" I was shocked, I slapped him hard, "I was not teasing, I was enjoying my night, if walking past a guy in a club is teasing the god help every girl in here" he seemed shocked that I had finally found my voice that I was finally standing up to him "Yes, I am not the quiet girl you raped and abused down the alley way all those months ago, I have found my voice and I will use it to make you feel as low as I did" with which I started walking away, an old woman from the crowd walked over to the man and spat in his face, then came and checked on me. Her doing that showed me that speaking up does work, although I had only changed one view it was still one more person that was on the right side of this never ending debate. I don't know exactly what happened after that, I heard that his girlfriend had dumped him through friends of friends of friends, so I carried on with my life, until I got a email one day on Facebook, from his girlfriend. She was nothing but apologetic and sympathising, she had not known he was like that they had been together for 3 years were supposed to get married, they had a baby girl together. She thanked me, she did not want her daughter near him. So two peoples views were changed that day, as the Chinese proverb states "A journey of a 100 miles starts with a single step" I have taken that step and ready for many more to to come.
Its through talking that we shall change the public perception and through nothing else. It may be a long hard battle but it is one we must fight, for our daughters and our daughters daughters.
All my love and support
Society Slut
x
Thursday, 2 February 2012
The Next steps...
An update for you all...
I have been talking to SlutWalk London - http://slutmeansspeakup.org.uk/ - this website is really helpful, you realise that you are not the only one out there trying to change society opinion. So look into that, they are also planning on doing a film to raise awareness, which I think is a brilliant idea and am hoping to take part. They also are planning SlutWalk 2012, which I hope to see you all at!
Next note, for all those who have emailed me, I hope you have found the reply useful, I am trying to reply as quickly as I can but if you are still waiting, please do not think I have forgotten or ignoring you I am replying to everyone, I just want to make sure the advice I give is really going to help you all.
I think that's mainly it, just thank you to all of you reading this and help raising awareness of the ignorant society view.
So stay strong, remember survivors not victims!
Society Slut
x
I have been talking to SlutWalk London - http://slutmeansspeakup.org.uk/ - this website is really helpful, you realise that you are not the only one out there trying to change society opinion. So look into that, they are also planning on doing a film to raise awareness, which I think is a brilliant idea and am hoping to take part. They also are planning SlutWalk 2012, which I hope to see you all at!
Next note, for all those who have emailed me, I hope you have found the reply useful, I am trying to reply as quickly as I can but if you are still waiting, please do not think I have forgotten or ignoring you I am replying to everyone, I just want to make sure the advice I give is really going to help you all.
I think that's mainly it, just thank you to all of you reading this and help raising awareness of the ignorant society view.
So stay strong, remember survivors not victims!
Society Slut
x
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